Dream On!

The Countdown Begins......

2011-10-13T15:49:00.000-07:00

10 more days and I will be DONE WITH CHEMOTHERAPY!!!! 10 days!!!!

It feels like just yesterday that I was in the hospital, healing from surgery, and learning and anticipating the "what ifs" of my medication. Countless times, as I was posted on my spot on the couch, we would say out loud, "ok... June, July, August, September, October...", as if saying the months might make time go faster. There were days when I felt like time was crawling, and days like today where I am stopped in my tracks thinking, "How in the world did this go so fast?!?" The pharmacy called the other day to ask if I was ready for a refill on my medication and I cannot even express the excitement as I got to say, "Oh thanks for calling but I won't be needing any more medication! My treatment will be complete on October 23rd."

10 days...

40 pills...

I can sooooo do this!!!

Hebews 10:23 - Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

How He Loves Us

2011-09-26T08:17:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with this song in my heart. It is a beautiful song about the love that our Father has for us. As I was singing the words, I was reminded at how truly amazing God's love for us is. We didn't do anything to earn His love, yet He gives it so abundantly; and we can't do anything to make Him stop loving us. What an incredible gift!

Often times we go through seasons in our lives, good or bad, and we fail to remember that God's love for us is at the core of every situation. When it's a season of blessing and prosperity, we are engulfed in joy and the feelings of love and thanksgiving. And rightfully so! Remember to thank God for them. But what about the seasons of need, of heartache, of disaster, or sickness? We need to thank God for those times as well! Hard to do? Sometimes. But it is in those times that God can draw us closer to Him. When there is nothing else to lean on, He can teach us to lean on Him and trust Him. It is the times of deserate need that we are reminded of God's unfailing love.

He always has our best in mind! Even in this crazy cancer journey of mine! How in the world is God's love at the core of this sickness? It is! He didn't cause this disease to plague my body, but He sure has used it to teach me things and bring me closer to Him. I have found his love for me with every step, around every corner. God cares about the littlest details of our lives - every desire, every feeling, every need.

Matthew 6:25-29 - “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you? "

I love that example of God's love for us! If He cares that deeply about birds and flowers, how much more does He care about us, His children, the ones He came to earth and died for! Again, what a tremendous gift! So no matter what we are facing, victory or hardship, our Father loves us....

Oh how He loves us....

Steps

2011-09-09T14:53:00.000-07:00

Everything around our house these days is "one day at a time..." and even more so, "one step at a time." And it really is! I cannot predict how a day is going to pan out, or make solid plans for upcoming days. During this cycle of chemo, my days have been all over the map (as well as my emotions; just ask my husband...sorry babe). One day I will wake up exhausted and sick, while the very next day I will be up and at 'em, painting my family room! We never know what a day will bring, but I guess that is what makes this a journey...

Our whole life is a journey, one step at a time. Each of us have our own path and can look back at the steps that led us to where we are at today; and each of us will take steps that form the life ahead of us. The steps on our journey are so varied. Sometimes our steps are through grassy meadows, along cool, sandy shores, or through lakes of milk chocolate (mmmmm, gotta throw the chocolate in there, just cuz!). But often times our steps are along rocky paths, or through scortched deserts, or sludgy swamps. Life has so many seasons and we have to walk through each of them. It's not always easy, especially during the hard times, but it is do-able!

Yes, it is do-able! Not by our own plans or by our own strength, but by God's! God promises us in Psalm 37:23, "The steps of a good man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way..." That tells me that whichever step I am on in my journey of life, God knows! I am not just wandering around in the middle of nowhere, blindly trying to find my way. Rather I am always right where God wants me to be. Because I trust in Him with everything that I am, I can be confident that even if I am stomping around in sludge, it is for my good. Such a season will make me a stronger person, teach me what I need to add to my character, bring me to my next step, and give me compassion for someone else along the way. It says in Isaiah 43:19, " Behold I am doing a new thing! Do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." That means that our difficult season is not forever! As we trust him through the muddy parts of our life, He WILL bring us to the green pasture that is right around the corner.

It is not easy, it is tiring, and it can be painful. But if we just hold on a little bit longer, we will find our rest. And how great it is to look back over steps on our journey and see God's faithfulness. So much to be thankful for.

Stonger!

2011-08-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

At the very beginning, my dear little friend, Julia Noble (age 8), was driving with her mom in the car when this song came on the radio. She was singing along and suddenly shouted, "Mom! This is shundi's song!!!" (shundi is our nickname). Later, Julia called to make sure I was recovering well and told me that this was my song because they were praying for me and God was with me. Thank you, Ju, for your childlike faith and encouragment to me. I sing this song everyday :) I love you miniature shundi!

NEED Him

2011-08-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

My husband got me a devotional for my birthday and it is so powerful. I read the days' entry every morning and we read it together every night. Many of you have probably heard of it! It's called, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Today's word has been ruminating in my heart so I thought I would share it...

"Expect to encounter adversity in your life., remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world. Stop trying to find a way that circumvents difficulties. The main problem with an easy life is that it masks your need for Me. When you became a Christian, I infused My very Life into you, empowering you to live on a supernatural plane by depending on me.

Anticipate coming face to face with impossibilities; situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you-the best place to encounter Me in My Glory and Power. When you see armies of problems marching toward you, cry out to Me! Allow Me to fight for you. Watch Me working on your behalf, as you rest in the shadow of My Almighty Presence."

I can say that I have had a fairly "easy" life. I have always known God on a personal level and have lived the life he has given me to the best of my ability; trusting him and knowing that He will lead me as I go. I do not take the Lord and his blessings in my life for granted, and this journey that I am on only magnifies my desire to always NEED Him. I had no control over having cancer in my body, I have no control over this chemotherapy, and I have no control over what will come in the days that follow. All I can do is face what is in front of me in the present and then step aside and let God control it for me. And ya know... it is so much easier to let Him worry about all of the why's and how's; it sure saves me a lot of suffering. Instead, I get to rest and be comforted and at peace, knowing that my life will be much better off with Him handling it anyway.

Psalm 91:1-2, "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Cycle 3... oh cycle 3...

2011-08-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

Yaaaaaaaaaaaa, cycle 3.....

This cycle of chemo has been another story. I was puttin' along just fine but these past seven days hit me pretty hard. It started with the usual fatigue on Thursday evening and escalated from there. I cannot even begin to describe the exhaustion and weakness that I have felt. I have literally layed on the couch and in bed for seven days straight! I had those moments where I said, "ok, I'm done now! Time to feel good and move on!" But even standing for two minutes to do a few dishes made me feel as though I would fall over. So I gave in and stayed down! I had a few bouts of nausia and actually had to take one of my nausia pills. Ugh.

The hardest part was when some of my hair started falling out :( I have plenty of hair to spare so you can't even tell, it was just a weird, creepy feeling. Whenever I put it in a pony tail, wash it, or brush it, I end up with a small clump in my hand. sigh. It catches me off gaurd when it happens, but there's not much I can do so I keep going. I know I'm not going to lose all of my hair, so I'm not too worried, but I don't like seeing so many strands...

Overall this has been a pretty stinky week but that's ok. God is still answering our prayers and covering us with his peace and provision. All of this is to bring me the health that I need and I will get there one day at a time.

Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Chemo Cycles 1 & 2

2011-08-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that once again, I am amazed at God!!!

Each round of chemotherapy is 2 weeks on, 1 week off. I completed two cylces of chemotherapy with VERY MINIMAL side effects!! I was fatigued for a day here, a day there, but no nausea, sores, or hair loss, etc! You never know how you're going to feel when you wake up in the morning, and every morning we thank the Lord that I feel "normal"!

On August 3rd, I had blood work done and an appointment with my oncologist. I have to admit, feeling so good while on chemo made me a little nervous. Thoughts like, "Am I taking the right pill? Did we make the right decision? Is it even working??" would take a spin every so often. Those nervous thoughts were quickly squashed when we got the doctors update! He said that all of my blood work is perfect and my counts are exactly where they should be. He even said that my hemoglobin is holding at 11.4 and I don't have to take iron for anemia anymore! AND he said that I will most likely end my chemo at the end of October rather than going all the way through December!! He was shocked at how well I was handling this medication and was blown away to know that I didn't even have any sores on my hands (something he was very worried about).

Talk about answers to prayer!!!!!!! So many people have been praying for and I can't express how much it means to me. I know that every day that I feel good is a gift from God, and I know that He is walking with me every step of the way.

Chemotherapy - Day 1

2011-08-16T11:15:00.000-07:00

After meeting with my oncologist, Dr. AJ, Frank and I decided that we would take the route of chemotherapy. We chose for me to take it in pill form at home rather than having a portacath for IV treatments. Dr. AJ informed us that the studies on this particular pill show that usually Asian Americans are the only ones that handle this pill well and white Americans cannot usually handle this medication at all. After hearing the different pros and cons of each, we still felt this was the best way for us to go, and decided to give it a try! Kind of a scary choice to make, but we were confident!

My first few cycles of medication arrived by Fed Ex within a few days and I received a call from the pharmacist. Wow. What I was about to do was starting to settle in. The pharmacist, as well as Dr. AJ, gave me a list of side effects that I might have while on this drug:

Fatigue
Nausea
Vomitting
Diarrhea
Constipation
Sores on my hands, feet, and mouth
Sensitive to cold and heat. (He said I won't even be able to open the refrigerator!)
Some hair loss
Joint pain

Now if you know me, I am quite sensitive to medication. In the past, if there was any possible side effect to something, I would get the worst if it! So of course, when the pharmacist was apologizing to me because he felt so bad that I actually had to go through this, I got a little nervous! So what did we do? We began to PRAY! God had walked us through this far, and He could carry us through this next stage. Just because those illnesses are common side effects, doesn't mean I have to have them! God is greater.

Monday, June 27, 2011....

It was here! Day #1 of Chemo was finally upon us! We were up early and Frank was heading out to work. We prayed together as we do every morning, only this time we prayed for this first day of medication. My mom arrived to stay with me for the day; I didn't really want to be alone :)

Before I took my first dose, my mom gave me a small candle in a glass container with a covering. This candle was a symbol and tangible promise of what we were praying for... that through this chemoptherapy, God would use it to destroy any remaining cancerous cells but would protect my good cells in the process. The candle represents my good cells that are encased by the strong, solid glass, just as the strong hand of God will encase my good cells so that I will remain healthy. I love having parents who walk in such faith and I love having the promises of God to cling to.

We prayed and down the hatch went my first two pills........ anything? nope. ok, uh, what do we do now? It was so funny as mom and I sat there staring at each other, like, "oooookkkkkk, now what do we do?!?" We laughed and found the best plan for the day. We watched four of the eight movies in the Love Comes Softly series!!

1 down, only 189 days to go!!!

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

2011-08-11T10:26:00.000-07:00

So there I was, back in the hospital! And of course all of my previous nurses remembered me and stopped in to say hello :) I just couldn't believe I was there again! Really though, again??? Am I expressing it clear enough? "I'm in the hospital again??!!!" I kept saying and thinking this over and over. I was so sad. I had felt great, energized, and healthier than I had ever been, yet there I was, laying on this slab of a mattress.

I had so much medicine flowing into my system to combat the swelling of my inside construction site. Between the IV's, the antibiotics, and the awesome, yet scary pain med, diladed, all I could taste was metal. yuck! But because of all of this, my infection cleared quickly and I was feeling better in no time. Yet they kept me in the hospital, day after day after day.

I HAD TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!

How much fun is that! Well I'll tell you...

I woke up on June 8th and my nurse, Ader, had decorated my room with a sign and streamers that my mom had brought the day before! All of the nurses wished me Happy Birthday and my grandparents and family sent flowers. My husband came and we played Connect Four and colored in my coloring book :) I even got to take a shower and wash my hair!

I had a difficult time in the hospital this time around. I don't know if it was because everyone had gone back to work and I had more alone time, or if it was the simple fact that it was all hitting me of what I was going through. I had to fight so many thoughts and attitudes that wanted to discourage and knock me down. A few times the tears were flowing, but God was stronger. He was there with me, reminding me that He would never leave me or forsake me. Reminding me that He had plans for me, and it wasn't to spend my days in and out of the hospital. Reminding me that He knows all of my dreams and that this was a step along the way so that I can enjoy those dreams. God was there.

I was so happy to leave the hospital after another week, and I bid the nurses farewell! They all said I was their best patient but didn't want to see me again :) I agreed! I was on my way home, stocked with meds for another week, and ready to continue the next step of this cancer journey............

Chemotherapy.

Feeling great!!! ....oh wait, not so fast...

2011-08-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

(This is old news, but once again, I slacked off in blogging so I'm still catching up on my memories...)

I came home from the hospital, FINALLY, and was so happy to be home in my new house. For those of you who don't know, during this whole ordeal, Frank and I bought a house! We had lived here for one month when it all came down... pretty good timing, God :) Don't you just love how He knows what we need before we even ask him :)

The days following my hospital stay were actually pleasant. Despite some soreness and my 14 inch stapled incision, I was feeling great! Honestly, I hadn't felt so healthy in years!! I layed around the house, enjoyed visitors throughout each day, and took many wonderful naps... aaahhhh... I could get used to this feeling. A few weeks had gone by and I checked in with my surgeon. I was glad when he removed half my staples and the other half a few weeks later. Dr. Sorour gave me the okay and I was clear to jump back into life! I had one week before I started chemotherapy, so I was esctatic to have a "normal life" for a few days.

But then Friday came... I woke up Friday morning, June 3rd, almost one month since surgery, and I wasn't feelin' so hot. I was so tired and a little sick to my stomach. I just didn't feel right. I got up early to see my husband off to work and layed on the couch. As the morning went on I developed pain in my right side. Around 8am it got worse so I called my surgeon to see if there should be any cause for concern. I was thankful to talk to him directly! He said if it didn't improve in a few hours I should go to the ER. Great. That's what I want to hear. I went to bed and slept off and on all afternoon. When my husband got home at 5pm, I was ready to head to the hospital. I can't even explain the pain I was in...
We arrived at Lodi Memorial to find quite a wait time; not too bad compared to Stockton, but bad when I felt the way I did. As we were sitting there my pain increased and I started losing conciousness. I was swaying back and forth and for some reason my throat began to close. My husband got the nurse and they got me to a bed in a matter of seconds.

After a CT scan, numerous viles of blood, and a few doses of Diladed (whoa!) I was being admitted for an infection. Ugh. Wait! I was supposed to have a week of fun before starting chemo!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr........

Thank you so much!

2011-06-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we go through life and have moments of wondering if anyone really cares. We all do! Not in a "oh poor me" pity kind of way, but just a, "here I am with my little circle and that's ok," sort of way. Make sense? Or maybe it's just me! LOL. Anyway... my point being... I had no idea how many amazing and wonderful people I have in my life!!!!

News of my cancer began to spread like wildfire! It's one of those things you hear about happening to other people, ya know, a child becomes very ill, word spreads, and people all over, known and unknown, are praying and supporting a family they don't even know! We've all been on that end of a story. I guess I didn't realize that it actually does happen and how incredible it really is!

Every day we were getting calls and emails from people encouraging us, praying for us, and letting us know who they passed the information on to. There were churches, schools, bible study groups, prayer chains, and families all over the united states lifting me and my family in prayer!! I still can't fathom it!! I read every single email over and over again, soaking in the truth and faith that people were sharing. I had so many visitors while in the hospital; I made a list and counted 50 people that had come on gone throughout my stay! 50! Each of you that visited, called, emailed, sent cards and flowers... THANK YOU!!

This road has not been easy, but knowing that so many of you care and support us, has made the biggest difference; I cannot even express my gratitude with words. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your prayers have made the difference in my diagnosis, recovery, and each day from here on out. God heard every prayer and my heart will be forever changed from experiencing Christ's love in such a way, through all of you.

Galatians 6:2, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Surgery Day!

2011-06-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, May 11th was surgery day! We were told that I would be going in around to 2:00pm, and to our surprise they came to get me at 9:30am! Frank was able to stay with me as they wheeled my bed into the pre-surgery room. My surgeon, Dr. Sorour, came to greet us and by 10:15 I was in the operating room. All I can remember was lying under the large, bright lights as different doctors and nurses introduced themselves and comforted me. I don’t remember anything after that. From what I was told, surgery lasted two and a half hours, and while I was under, family and friends waited in the waiting room.

I remember waking up back in my room, Room 269. I saw and heard Frank and my parents around me. Of course I was in and out for quite a while, but I remember knowing that everything was ok!

I had stage 2 colon cancer in my cecum, in the right side of my colon. The mass was large and very much “alive”. I know this is gross, but it was actually sucking my blood. This explains the anemia I had dealt with! The doctor removed the entire right side of my colon and was able to reattach everything so that I did not have to have a colostomy bag. My incision was about 12 inches top to bottom, and I counted about 36 staples. It was a little shocking the first time I saw it, that’s for sure! The cancer had spread to the lymph channels, the bridge right before it would enter the lymph nodes. Dr. Sorour removed 36 lymph nodes and all of them tested negative. We were so thankful when the doctors let us know they got it just in time!

It’s kind of strange because we all felt like I had cancer for three days. We discovered it Monday and by Wednesday it was gone! In reality, we know that I had cancer for about two years, but we are thankful that in the whirlwind of that week it was all taken care of. I was so at peace on Wednesday night, knowing that I was cancer free and on my way to a healthy life.

Psalm 91:1-2, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”

If Gramps can do it, I can do it...

2011-06-30T11:54:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was a day of uncertainty. The news was setting in for all of us and we were each beginning to deal with it in our own ways. There were some emotional moments, yet there was still such a peace that was constantly reassuring us that everything was going to be alright.

My husband was unbelievably strong. He cared for me, made sure I had what I needed, made me laugh, and got busy on all of the paperwork. Mom, Dad, and Laura sat with me, bringing humor to every possible aspect. My brother, Alyssa, and Meg drove in from Las Vegas, which was the greatest surprise and meant so much. Frank and Ruth brought care and laughter, as well as so many other family members and friends. We were overwhelmed with love and support; it was surreal.

We found out on Tuesday afternoon that I was scheduled for surgery the next day. What a relief! This meant the cancer would be gone and health was on the way!! I sent Frank home on Tuesday night to get some sleep, since he had been with me since Monday morning. I wanted him awake and rested for surgery day! My mom stayed with me Tuesday night, and it is a night I will remember as long as I live…

To prepare for surgery I had to drink more colon prep and take 24 antibiotic pills; all of this on an empty stomach, mind you. At this point I still hadn’t even had a sip of water since Monday morning! Needless to say this didn’t sit well. I was so sick that night. Between the headache, the vomiting, the dizziness, and the intense pain where my cancer was, I can honestly say that I have never experienced that much pain and discomfort. I remember finally settling down and lying still, when the nurse came in to increase my potassium. She put it through my IV and left the room. Within a few seconds of it hitting my blood stream, it was as if I left my body. For some reason I couldn’t handle it as it pained and crippled my hand. While I was screaming, my mom got the nurse and she stopped the flow, flushing it with saline.

I remember sitting on the edge of my bed, crying, while my mom was praying over me. It was truly the worst night of my life, the biggest battle I had ever faced, and I felt like I couldn’t do it… why did I have to go through this…I can’t make it! And then in a moment, I could. I looked at my mom and said, “If Gramps can do it, I can do it.” See, just recently, my 83 year old grandfather had gone through 9 weeks of radiation and treatments for prostate cancer, and he had done it with strength and resolve. If he did, then I can!

The next morning, I woke up with my mom still next to me. When I opened my eyes she said, “You did it. You made it through the worst night of your life. If you made it through that, you can make it through anything.”

Since that moment, I still say, “If Gramps can do it, I can do it.” Thank you, Gramps. Your positive attitude, your strength, and your perseverance have helped me know that I too can walk through this season with a joyful heart.

P.S. We got the report back yesterday (6/29/11) that Gramps’ radiation worked and he is cancer free! Good job Gramps!! Thank you, Lord!!!

Deuteronomy 31:8, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid and do not be discouraged.”

Monday, May 9, 2011... Diagnosis

2011-06-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

Good morning! Here, drink another bottle of pure yuckiness so you can go have your colonoscopy!! Oh how I loathe those preps!

After my bout with severe anemia, my doctor wanted to get to the bottom of things. Afterall, there is no reason or any sign of me losing so much blood. He did not figure in finding anything, but he ordered a colonoscopy just to "say we did" and have it on file as a starting point.

So there we were, my husband and I, waiting patiently for my turn. Mind you, I am starving since this is Monday and I haven’t had anything but water since Saturday evening. After some delays, my name is called. I go in, have the procedure, and the next thing I know, I am coming out of my anesthesia, apparently a little too early…

I woke up and turned to see the doctor and my husband standing there. And I hear what I never expected, “I’m sorry sir, I believe your wife has cancer.” It became a whirlwind after that. I went from grogginess to hearing talks of surgery, getting in a wheel chair, wheeled outside to the corner crosswalk, across the street, and directly into a bed at Lodi Memorial. Laying in the bed, I remember looking at Frank and saying, “ I might have cancer?” So many questions filled our minds, but at the same time, we were filled with so much peace. He sat by my side and said, “Honey, its ok. God is in control and He is going to see us through. We trust him.”

A while later my mom and sister arrived with hugs, followed by my dad, my in-laws, and many friends. I had a CT scan to see if the diagnosis was cancer and if so, had it spread. It was late in the evening when the results came back that it was indeed colon cancer, but praise the Lord, it was contained! I remember looking around the room after the doctor left. There were at least 15 people gathered around Frank and I, sharing in that moment with us. There were tears, but the room wasn’t filled with panic and chaos, rather a gentle peace rested among us as different people began to pray.

From that point on, we knew that even though this was the beginning of a road we never expected, we had truly experienced Philippians 4:7, “And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

From the Beginning...Anemia

2011-06-29T17:45:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, I began to not feel well. At first I had your basic chest colds and flues and tiredness. As time went on, I began to get sick more often, to the point that I was sick EVERY weekend. And that is not an exaggeration; I mean every. Of course we all related it to the seasons and to the fact that I was a preschool teacher and I picked up the germs of my kids. After a while, being sick and exhausted became "normal" for me, so it didn't really phase me that something terrible could be wrong. It was just how I lived. Looking back, I realize how sad it was that I went through each day in such a way. My husband and I didn't really go anywhere, or get involved in many activities, as I was too tired to do anything. It was the last few months of 2010 that my tiredness began effecting me in a greater way. Just the thought of getting up to change the laundry made me cry.

I went to the doctor to have blood work done and we found out that I was slightly anemic, so I began taking a small dose of iron. It didn't make much of a difference, and by late March, we knew it wasn't enough. I ended up in the ER at Lodi Memorial. After more blood tests, we found that my blood levels had dropped to a 7.8, half of the blood a person should have. By the end of the night, I was being transfused with two units of blood.

Needless to say, with a new blood level of 11, I felt so much better! I began taking 975 mg of iron every day and I felt like a new person!! I was finally on a new path and really "living" for the first time in years!!

God had answered our prayers and we were so excited to have a fresh start!

Recap!

2011-06-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

Two years later... it's just one of those things. I didn't write for a lack of happenings, good grief no! Too much happening I suppose! But alas, it is time to begin again...
Over the past two years, let's see:

I graduated with 2 Associate degrees!

Our dog had 9 puppies!

I taught preschool at Blessed Beginnings!

We bought our first home!

And I found out I had CANCER!

Yep! I'd say its been an exciting few years!

Don't you just love it when...

2009-08-12T11:44:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love it when you finish dinner and feel relaxed, only to look over and remember that now you have to clean everything up. So you start to do the dishes, scraping all the leftovers in a pile to be tossed. You reach in to get the garbage can to toss the mess only to realize the garbarge is overflowing and you have to empty it before throwing anything else away. Don't you love having to crawl under the sink to get the scraps that already fell out of the trash against the back wall, only to bump your head when climbing out, sweaty as can be. Don't you love when you leave your dish pile to take out the trash so that you can throw other stuff away, only to get mauled by your dog, almost knocking you over. You finally escape the dog to come back in the house, replace the garbage bag and dispose of the pile. Don't you just love when you wash your last dish, wipe the counter, hang up the towel, and realize how much you are dripping with sweat, only to turn around and find that you forgot about the dirty pots and pans and the stove. Don't you love starting over, cleaning the pots and pans, now realizing that you have to scrub the stovetop from its remains. Sweep the floor, straighten the chairs, and hang up the towel one more time... only to have the dog find her way in and leave mud and dog hair all over your clean space. Can I get some air please? And a sweat rag? Thanks.

Just a good day.

2009-08-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was blessed to take a 3 hour, relaxing walk with friends. One friend whom I've known for 12 years and another who I am getting to know and am excited to call "friend." We walked around one of my favorite neighborhoods in Stockton, basking in the cool breeze, admiring and dreaming about the beautiful homes, and enjoying each others company. How I have needed a day like this! A day to get out and let the breeze blow away the tired, yuckiness that has surrounded me for months... A day to laugh and be silly with friends who let you be yourself... A day to remember how good God is and His blessings in my life... yes, it was a good day and I am beyond thankful for my dear friends.

Thanks Sarahs!

Just wanna say...

2009-06-04T21:09:00.000-07:00

That I am really happy. I have not been a very good cook for my husband for the past year and a half, but things are looking up! For the most part, we will have the typical story of, "Oh man, those first few years... I ate it all and had seconds cuz you were trying so hard." But I can honestly say that I think I have found my meat nitch. Not that it is perfect or even the greatest ever, but I can finally cook chicken, and even steak, and it is yummy! No longer do I regretfully serve dried out, rubbery meat to my husband when he comes home starving after a long days work. After much trial and error, I cannot use the oven, electric frying pan, or even the George Foreman. Nope, not even the Foreman! I can choose the charcoal bbq (which I am super good at) or the stove top. Ya, not super exciting cuz you all have already mastered cooking, but I am pretty thrilled.

Time

2009-05-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

Time is flying by! I honestly cannot believe it is the middle of May. I feel like I was just at my wedding, like we just celebrated our one year anniversary, like I just started this semester yesterday... and here we are, married a year and a half, done with the semester next Thursday, and turning 30 in less than a month!!! Ya, maybe that is where this is coming from, turning 30, I dunno. Don't get me wrong, I am not one who is scared to turn the big 3-0 at all. I am very excited. I like getting older. I look back at when I was like 13 and remember how I used to know people who were in their 20's and 30's and I thought they were so old and so cool. Whatda ya know, I'm the cool one now! lol.

I got in touch with a friend from high school today. Actually, we've known each other since third grade, but became really good friends in high school. I haven't talked to her in a long time and while we were on the phone and thought about it, it has been at least 10 years , if not longer, since we've spoken! 10 years??? How does time go so fast! Why didn't we do the 'ol yearbook saying and "K.I.T"!! That used to drive me crazy when people I hardly knew would write that. C'mon, I'm not gonna keep in touch with you, I don't know you now, why would I know you in 12 years! Anyway, whatever.

Maybe I'm thinking about time because I am in school right now and it's bringing me back to high school days. 12 years ago? Sheesh. Why am I thinking about HS so much! Oh wait, I know... cuz I am reminded everyday at how annoying HS kids can be since I am the oldest in my classes and all the others are fresh out. Oh so irritating. Grow up, would ya! Stop throwing nasty spit wads, stop talking while the teacher is lecturing, and please stop being filthy rotten cheaters! ok, sorry. Had to vent.

Well, a bunch of randomness I guess, all to say that time is flying by.

A Sad Goodbye

2009-04-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

So, I went to the allergist today and the news was worse than I thought. Yes, I love my dog and was saddened at the thought of being allergic to her, but honestly, the news I got is a little worse (so wrong, I should care more about my dog). I am allergic to all things mold, especially....cheese and CHOCOLATE. Yes folks, no more pizza, grilled cheese, cheeseburgers, and worst of all, no more chocolate. How will I live? I love chocolate. I need chocolate. I am beside myself.

So, goodbye cheese and chocolate! It has been wonderful! So many great memories and delightful times! I will miss you! I might sneak you here and there, but it will never be the same! For now if I eat you I will have to follow with itch cream, pills, nasal spray, and an inhaler.

pppssshhhh.

jnkva;kjfna;kjhgare

2009-04-21T17:18:00.000-07:00

blah blah blah blah blah. I am just so stinkin' hot. Why straight to summer? It's too hot in this house. I can't wait for our new windows to be put on!
sdjnfakjha;hj;dlkf;lkfnzldkfnbzlfnbfb.

That's all i got.

And the allergy saga continues...

2009-04-16T13:50:00.001-07:00

I never posted about my allergies to begin with, but what the hec, they're still here.
So back at the beginning of February, I came down with the usual bad cold for that time of the year... no biggie, got meds, all was good. It came back a few days later and nothing would help. Come to find out, by process of illimination and a doctor visit, I have taken after my daddy and have a good dose of seasonal allergies. So basically, from February to just a few days ago I have been plugged up and all the good stuff that goes along with it. I managed to sneeze literally 12 times in class the other day and people around me gave me the weirdest looks. Whatever. I know a million people have allergies, so it's nothing new, but to me it is, so I gladly join you. right.

Apparently, I have more that a seasonal allergy now. I think I am allergic to my dog. Oh how I love her. I finally have an appt with an allergist next week so we will see if my prediction is true. Why do I think this...hmmm... Saturday night, before Easter, I was simply sitting on the couch watching a movie when my upper left arm turned bright red, splotchy, hot, and terribly itchy. By the time I went to bed and 3:30am rolled around (still awake, mind you), my entire body was covered in this rash. I took 2 showers for relief but none came. When Sunday morn had come it had disappeard and I was like, "what?". I was fine all day until around 4pm at my sister-in-laws house. I felt that burn and both of my arms were on fire. I came home, showered for the 4th time that day and slept for a few hours. It went away again. Dumb. Over the next few days it would pop up slightly every now and then, but nothing major. Hallelujah I was in the clear! Wrong. Last night I was finishing up my 4th paper for school when my arm started itching. I took a shower and by the time I got into bed my body was enflamed. Worse than ever. The rash covered my arms, backs, neck, and was working up my face. My loving and caring husband went to Longs at 11pm to get me some cortozone cream. I took another shower, applied the cream and I was in Heaven. Within, oh 20 minutes or so, it all came back again, even worse. Raised bumps added to the redness, I was violently scratching my back with a pen... there was no relief. We headed to Stockton's finest ER. And there we sat, hours upon hours. When my rash had gone down (Of course!) and was clearing up, we finally saw the doctor and he believed me despite the lack of evidence. I popped some pills to take care of my "anaphalactic reaction" and he sent me on my way. Absolutely starving at this point (cux it's 3:30am, who wouldn't be hungry) we stopped and got a few tacos and finally called it a night. I have felt great ever since. So pleasant. I hope it's not our dog, but she is the most common thread in all of this. Rascal.

Chicken Fight!

2009-03-27T10:53:00.000-07:00

Summer time, people in the pool, 2 people sitting on the shoulders of 2 other people, hands flailing about, trying to knock the other one off... yaaaa, this isn't that kind of chicken fight. lol.
This is a chicken fight between me and my wonderful husband. I have to record this because this was one of those that was so unbelievable I want to remember the humor it brought us.

I always look forward to the end of the day when Frank comes home from work. I try, and usually succeed, at having dinner on the table right as he walk in the door. It's just one of those things that is important to me. Sidenote: lately I have been aggravated that I am not a very good cook and usually apologize for something about the meal. Anyway, it was Tuesday and I wasn't feeling good at all and couldn't wait until Frank got home. I was excited because I made a new recipe (given to me by Charity) so I was sure he would finally have a good meal, despite the way I was feeling. Not a clue why or how, but literally within 1 minute and 45 seconds of Frank being home, the following hell broke loose:

-I tasted the sauce and realized it was waaaaayyy to salty and immediately was bummed.
-Frank came in.
-I began filling his plate while warning him how terribly salty it was.
-The sauce accidentally touched my hand, causing me to scream, "oooowwwww!!!"
-He grabbed the plate, splashing the sauce on the floor and wall.
-My stuffiness in my head multiplied by 10 and I could not breath or even think clearly.
-I rinsed my hand while Frank got mad and informed me that he had lost his appetite and no longer wanted to eat, heading for the other room.
-Being that I couldn't hear myself because of my clogged head, I couldn't tell how loudly I was talking. I didn't understand why he was mad!
-We went back and forth a few times with information that had nothing to do with the situation at hand, until I was in a big snot ball on the couch, asking how in the world we had such a big fight in such a short amount of time simply about me burning my hand!

Finally he informed me that he was frustrated that I put myself down so much about my cooking because he enjoys coming home and eating dinner with me. When it was all said and done, my delirium making me extra sensitive only added to the escalation and I didn't even know what was going on anymore. I could hardly see through the swelling pressure of my sinuses. As I was sucking up my snot (sorry, tmi) he went and began eating his meal which, to my surprise, he loved! Turns out, it was so salty for me becuase I can't taste anything these days and so the only thing I could taste was the salt. He ate 2 servings and told me to add it to my list of regulars (thanks Charity!).

So basically, all of the chicken fight was for nothing, but oh well. I cleaned up the kitchen as we laughed about what happened. It was my fault, no doubt. I was the heap while he sat trying to calm me down. I am a mess sometimes. Poor guy, all he wanted to do was come home from his long day of work and eat with me.

Just so ya know...

2009-03-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

I am POSTPONING my marathon. I am still struggling with my shins and do not feel ready for the next level of training. I was so happy to make the 10 mile mark, but the next level is 14, 16, 18, 20 and 22 miles in the hills and I don't think that would be wise with how much pain I still have.

I feel like I have made a good decision and am so proud of myself and what I have accomplished over the past 2 months. I am looking forward to taking everything I have learned and continuing training at my own pace so that when a new team starts next Spring, I will be ready for it. When I decided this, I was sad that everyone would be disappointed in me or think that I was a quitter, but then I realized that 2 months ago, I could hardly do 1 mile and now I can do 10... I'm happy with that.

So, I will keep running and next year I will be one of the faster ones on the team that everyone is jealous of. lol.

Ding! (picture a smile with the sparkle)

2009-03-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

According to the dentist, I have perfect teeth and all of my flossing has paid off. I love a good report. That's all.

911 and some other stuff...

2009-03-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

The weirdest and scariest thing happened the other night. It was actually the second occurance, but the weirdest. It was Wednesday morning at 3:57am and we woke up to the doorbell ringing. Frank got up and looked out the bedroom window, only to see the police looking in the window back at him. They saw him and said, "Police." We were like, "uuhhh..." He went to the door while I trailed behind, a little shaken up. When he opened the door the police said, "is everything ok here? Someone from your house just called 911." Of course we hadn't, we were dead asleep. This was the sceond time this weird event happened and when we called the non-emergency line to ask, sure enough they had our house logged as calling! Turns out, something was wrong with our phone line that caused it to randomly call 911 and hang up! When comcast came out to fix it, they had to call a few different techs because this was something not even the supervisor has ever heard of. strrraaaange.

Next...
I went to my training this morning with so much anxiety. I am still dealing with calf muscles that won't give and the thought of the pain I would be in AGAIN just got me in a heap. I know the worry was taking over because I was sick to my stomach and was trying to think of every reason to not go. About 5 minutes into my run, everything began to ache and I wasn't even on the trail yet. I had 8 miles in front of me and all I could feel was the pain. I kept going slowly so I could at least make it on the trail and I could stop and stretch. Everyone passed me up and I was all alone, standing in the cold in so much pain I could hardly walk. All I could do was tear up and ask God to help me. I stretched some more and started walking again. So many thoughts were swirling and at one moment I almost turned around and went back to quit the entire thing. If I can't do this, I certainly can't do an entire marathon, was the only conclusion I could come to. But I didn't. I wiped my eyes and started running; I just couldn't give up yet. At the end of 2 miles, waaayy behind everyone else, my coach met me with some encouraging words and a new strecthing suggestion. It was a miracle! From that point on the pain was literally gone and I cruised through the remaining 6 miles. Sure it was still hard but I had no leg pain! I found me pushing myself beyond what I have ever done and actually ran alot more than walk. I ran the last 2 miles straight without walking at all! That might not seem like a big deal to alot of people, but for me that is HUGE! 2 miles is a long way! I made it back with energy to spare and actually beat my time from last week by 10 minutes! I ran 8 miles in 1 hr and 50 min. Now I feel so encouraged and know that I can do it again, even adding a few more miles.

Next....
Frank is working a graveyard shift tonight so I am awake watching Hallmark movies because I can't sleep. I love Hallmark movies. I'm so proud of my husband and his hard work. Don't ask me how, but over the last two weeks he worked 157 hours. And that's not counting the 40 hours at his part-time job. And even though he worked that much, I feel like I've seen him more these past few weeks than I have in a while! Go figure. I don't know how that worked out. He is such a hard-worker and I am so blessed.

Next....
Halfway through this semester already! My grades are good and I've already clocked 30 hours of kindergarten volunteer time. Humanities is great right now as we are talking about Christianity. My instructor must know I am a Christian because she always looks at me when she asks for feedback and explanations and I am happy to give them! It's so great! My group is doing a presentation on Jeremiah next week and it's cool to be the one in the group to help explain everything and head it up.

hmmm... I guess that's all for now!
Ta Ta!

My personal Jillian

2009-03-06T08:13:00.000-08:00

I trained with Jillian Michaels on Wednesday night. No joke. My coach is usually so layed back and encouraging, just as nice as can be, but I don't know what came over her Wednesday. We were running fartlicks (easy, hard, easy hard running rotations... crazy word) at the Tokay track in the dark, but first we ran up and down the bleachers a zillion times. So I'm running, just dying. Like usual, I take a walking break becuase, well, I have to! After working with another gal she runs up to me and starts helping me adjust my position, my breathing and so on, then suggests that I go back to running. I do and get so tired so quickly, I can usually last longer but I only had about 3 hours of sleep the night before (another story) and was coming from a day in Kindergarten so I was exhausted. I started to slow and Jillian showed up. She would not let me stop and before I knew it I was running with my eyes closed feeling near death. I was literally thinking, "If I close my eyes it will all go away and I will come out of my body and wake up somewhere else." She was in my ear yelling, "No! You are not stopping! You don't need to walk! You can do this! Pain is good!" "But I have to stop, I can't move anymore!" "No, do not stop! You can't! Hate me if you have to but don't you dare stop running!" "I hate you! I do!" "I don't care, don't stop!" Before I knew it I had run twice around the track, no walking. It was fabulously horrible. But I was proud because I did it. I needed her yelling at me to push through the pain. When I had my eyes closed, I literally saw Jillian there screaming at me. It was wonderful. I can't wait until Saturday to run 8 more miles with her. yipee.

8 Miles!

2009-02-28T20:39:00.000-08:00

Every stinkin' muscle and bone in my body is aching. It took me two hours this morning, but low and behold, I completed the 8 mile route for our training today! It was a doosey. The first 2 miles were horrendous with all the muscles trying to warm up. Miles 3-7 weren't that bad; 4 and 5 were kind of enjoyable actually. I had a good pace, the wind was blowing through my hair and I was smiling. Mile 8 however brought the feeling of death. I honestly didn't think I could make it as I had absolutely nothing left in me. Time to bring out the Goo from now on! When I got home, I ate some protein and collapsed. I took a cat nap...until 3:30! But that's ok, I needed the sleep. I'm excited because now that I have done the 8, I know I can do it again next week and be ready to jump to 12 miles the week after that!! Holy cow, did I say 12?

Visit my website!

2009-02-24T00:39:00.000-08:00

My marathon training is moving right along! I had a setback while I was sick last week, but am getting right back in there. I will join my team for the 8 mile run/walk this Saturday morning!

I am also getting in full swing with my fundraising and hope to have my letters out by the end of this week, which will contain more details about the cause, the little boy that I am running in honor of, and an opportunity to send me a name that I can add to my honoree list. If you have family members or friends who would like to donate to this awesome cause, email me their address or pass along the below website. Every little bit counts and all donations are tax deductable.

I am really excited about this opportunity that I have and am just committing my fundraising goals to the Lord and will be doing everything I can to raise the funds to continue fighting these blood diseases. I will be posting the story of little Hayden soon!

Visit me here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/sac/rnr09/lgarcia04q

cough cough cough

2009-02-19T12:19:00.001-08:00

I just want to say that it was so good to be completely back in the real world today. Finally. After being layed up since last Wednesday night, I no longer sound like a hacking, 75 year old, wrinkled woman who has smoked since she was 10.

mmm... fresh air...

2009-02-09T10:40:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you look back and go, "man, that was such a great day!" Yesterday was just one of those days for us. Even this morning, Frank and I were still talking about how nice of a day it was. Frank had worked 2 graveyard shifts in a row and has been exhausted from them. He left work early on Saturday night and got home around 3am, as he was so tired, he couldn't make it any longer. We were planning to get up and go to church, but needless to say, he was out cold. Around 11am he woke up and felt so much better, so we decided to take a walk. We went out to a levy around one of the channels of the Delta and walked all the way around, about 6 miles total! It was so peaceful. It was cold, the wind was blowing, birds were flying, a few boats passed along the sparking water, the clouds were puffy... it was so refreshing. We just walked along talking and laughing for the hour and a half it took us. When we were done we went for a swim at the gym which topped it all off. It just became one of those days that meant alot to us and we can't wait to do it again.

Run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!

2009-02-05T16:19:00.000-08:00

Last night, I shocked my socks off! Not literally with electricity, but in that I ran/walked 4 miles at my team training!! 4 miles! Unheard of in my book. I think I'm likin' this whole running thing. Let's see if I still like it when I have another 4 miles in front of me on Saturday at 7am.

And we're off!

2009-01-31T16:35:00.001-08:00

So, as all 4 of you who read my blog know, I started my training for the Marathon I am running at the end of May. I am SO EXCITED!!!

I'm thinking of creating another blog specifically for me to track my training and update everyone on the likes of what I am doing - a link I can post on my fundrasing website for those who want to donate. Not sure yet, still thinking... for now I will post here.

Day 1 - Our first official training day was last Wednesday night. I went out to the parking lot of Panera over on Trinity. I was pretty nervous. I drove up a few minutes early and there stood my coaches with a Team In Training table (banner included) and about 3 other people. Needless to say, I sat in my car a few minutes trying to decide if I was actually going to take this plunge! I did. So glad. I went to the table and signed in, said hello to everyone and then stood there. In the cold. 6pm. Wednesday night. What the hec was I doing! A few more joined us and they gave the intro. These people don't waste a single minute! From there we headed off down the road for a 2.5 mile jog! So there I am running along (yes, running!) so proud of myself and thinking, wow, this is kinda weird. I got a little tired after a bit and slowed to a walk, along with a few other gals. We finally got to the school (our destination) and I was relieved... only for a few seconds, until we had to turn around and go all the way back. duh! as if I thought a van might pull up and take me back. rrriiight. We started back and then the pain hit. dang! I was wearing worn out shoes and they were killing the tops of my feet; I really thought I would die. No joke. I laughed a little when I saw the lights of Panera cuz I knew I was almost home. Thank you God. Back at the parking lot, ready to die, pee, and sleep, my coach says, "ok, sprints across the lot, GO!" And off I went, pain and all. It was a delightful evening of pain, sweat, and more pain, but I survived and couldn't wait to go again.

Day 2 - You know when you're driving and out of nowhere you see people running - some in clumps, some on there own - and you think to yourself, "What are they doing?! And why are they all running, and where are they going!" Hi, that's me now! I am one of those people! I went to Fleet Feet (great store) this morning and got fitted for shoes so I could be a professional and then off we went again! We ran from Lincoln Center, down Ben Holt, down Alexandria, around Lincoln High, then all the way back. About 3 miles. Yes, I was dying again but no my feet didn't hurt! The shoes worked! I am a pro now! It was not one bit enjoyable or easy, but it felt so great.

I train with my team (about 12 or so people) every Wednesday night and Saturday morning. I have to follow the workout plan they gave us on the other days so that I can increase my endurance. It's so motivating having people doing it right with you, encouraging you, and knowing you have no choice but to make it up and back.

So, if you ever see me running down the street in my new shoes and cool running clothes, honk and ask me if I want a ride home. I just might.

I almost passed out.

2009-01-29T12:13:00.000-08:00

So, in my previous blog I stated that my back room is an explosive mess. Has always been and will always be... so I thought. Boy, was I ever in shock and awe when I got home last night from my training... I was gone from 5:30 to 7:15 (that's not that long!) and in that time my incredible husband got home from work and completely tore the room apart. I walked in the door and knew something was up, as I saw a few things by the door. Little did I know what was in store! He had gone through paper piles and organized them, thrown away garbage, found storage for all the stuff, hung our white board, put out pictures in frames, cleaned the desk, vacuumed the floor, and even placed a candle on the desk. The room looks fantastic and is more organized than I could have ever thought!!! I have such a wonderful husband.

A little this... a little that...

2009-01-27T14:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know it has been forever - again. Like I have been asked to do repeatedly, I will blog some randomness. Surely things have been happening in my life! To be honest... the reason I haven't blogged is because I hate...that's a strong word (as my husband says)... strongly dislike sitting at my computer at this moment in time. Our back room that is meant to be an office is an office/storage/clutter/school/laundry hanging/everything room. So I check my email and whatever I have to do as fast as I can because I get stressed out sitting in it all. "Why don't you clean it?" you ask. Well, we do! Like only every weekend!!! But our house is wonderful, yet small, and we have ALOT of stuff! So, that is my explanation of my lack of blogage.

Randomness of my days:

* I started another semester at school! This is a fun one. I am in an intercultural communications class that is made up of a ton of group activites. I also have an Education Lab class that requires me to volunteer 50 hours in a classroom of my choice. Of course I chose Mrs. Gebhardt's kindergarten. I started last Wednesday and it is sooooo good to be back where the kids get the biggest kick out of us calling them skallywags.

* My husband and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary back on New Year's Eve! Already!!! We went to my Uncle's cabin in Pioneer for a few days. There was some snow left on the ground and it was so peaceful and relaxing. Sure, our entire time was consumed with worrying about how to get our dog to poop, since she obviously takes after her mother and doesn't poop easily when she travels. And of course she finally pooped the day we were heading home. oh, same as me!

* Speaking of our dog, since she is the center of our lives... she is a whole new gal! Jasper went back to his home and since then Sammy has had a complete attitude change. She doesn't attack me nearly as often, she has started obeying me more and she even gets to come in the house at night. She has learned to behave inside and that girl can hold her pee like none other.

* One last thing for now... I will be starting my marathon training tomorrow night, so watch for many more details on that soon!!!

Falcon, out.
(uh, only Jess will know what that means.)

Tag, I'm it!

2009-01-07T17:41:00.000-08:00

I got tagged in Inez's blog, so here's mine -

1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder
3) Explain the picture
4) Tag 4 people to do the same NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!)

This was from a few years ago... 2006 I think! It's me, Paula and Julia. Paula and the kids came to stay with me for a week during the summer. We had so much fun! awww, how I miss her. She lives in Missouri and I haven't seen her since my wedding last year =(

OK, I tag -
Jen
Charity
Jess
..cuz those are the only people who read my blog.

Oh, how I love Christmas...

2008-12-18T22:21:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe that it is already a week before Christmas!! How fast this year went!! Seriously. I am sitting here as my husband works on his computer, looking at all the lights on the tree, pondering on all of the blessings that have made up this past year. Christmas and all it's sights and smells warms my heart. Somehow, staring at the lights of the tree and letting yourself get lost in the glow takes you to another world. I can't explain it, but it's one of the things I look forward to all year. This is our first "official" Christmas together and I can't help but want to savor every moment. I think I annoy Frankie sometimes because I try so hard to make it special, but I can't help it. It's what I do. I don't want to miss out on a chane of possibly having a new tradition. So I try and make everything a tradition. lol. One thing that we are definetely going to make a tradition is our Christmas Open House! Only a few showed up (cuz we only invited a few!) but it was nice. As the years go by and when we have a bigger house, we hope it will grow. We love getting together with family and friends, especially at Christmas... it too warms my heart.

Such a wonderful time of year.

pat pat pat

2008-12-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

Yes, i am patting myself on the back, thank you very much! I am officially finished with school for the semester. Done. Completed. Terminado. De Finition. It feels so good! I feel very accomplished with my 4 A's and 1 B. Check this out... I was the highest grade of the class in both Science lab and English! At the start of the semester, I really had my doubts, but I am realizing that I am smarter than I thought!!! What do ya know, I am smarter than a 5th grader! lol.

I am gearing up for my Spring classes that start January 12th, for which I will be taking not 1, but 2 speech classes (since everyone knows what an awesome public speaker I am!). Adding to the list will also be Humanities and 2 Education classes for which I will spend 50+ hours in different elementary classrooms doing activities and tutoring. Fun!!!

For now, I am grateful to my husband for giving me this incredible opportunity and for putting up with me during my stressful times. He was there for me when I was crying my eyes out over my stats problems, slamming books, staring blank at the computer, or reading poems to him that I couldn't figure out on my own. I do work best when under the gun, but I am not fun to be around during it. Just ask my mom.

Anyway, I am just so excited and pretty darn proud. Thought you'd like to know. heeheehee.

Happy Solutions

2008-12-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

No more sadness :) We found our solution for our crazy girl and of course we are keeping her. She is still a wild beast but we are fixing the fences and found a good place to tie her up that still gives her plenty of freedom. Plus, a great nighttime solution that she is now loving. I couldn't bear the thought of her being out in the 37 degree weather that has been our nights, so my husband and I have a new bedtime routine. Like clockwork, I open the back door, he lays out the blue tarp and hauls in the cubby while I unchain sam and toss the ball a few times. Once he has the cubby lined in front of the door with the gate open, He calls to both dogs who go running and have nowhere else to go but straight into the crate, where I have layed warm blankets and a toy. I shut the cubby door behind them, Frank slides it back, I close the back door and put a mat between the door and cubby. Frank scoots the cage next to the door, holding the mat in place and I pretend the dogs are birds and cover the cubby with a sheet. They now know that the sheet means nigh-night time and instantly they are quiet and lay down. They literally sleep in there for about 9 hours without a sound to get out or anything. They love it in there and they love being warm and cozy! Come nightfall, Sam knows it's time to come in and lets us know. Anyway, we've got it down to a science now and the whole process goes rather quickly... may seem a little extravagent for a dog, but what are ya gonna do... she's our child and we love her. Yes, it turns our little house into a maze, but hey, it's a great laugh and makes for fun memories!

sigh

2008-11-29T10:28:00.001-08:00

I just want to say that I feel stressed today. Really, it's nothing major to stress about. But sometimes the feelings come and you can't help it. I just feel overwhelmed. I only have two weeks of school left and the thought of finals and papers that is brewing over my head is making me spin. I should be grateful because these classes are a sinch compared to what lies ahead of me come the fall. Nonetheless, I am fretting. I am sad and in agony about what to do with my sookie sam. I love my girl but, I dunno... might have to find her a new home. She is too wild and loud for our little neighborhood, and no matter how often I walk her, play with her or feed her, she won't settle down. We can't let her run free because she has almost made it over the fence and being tied up on a 20 ft. rope will only last so long once the rain hits. It breaks my heart to think of losing her, but maybe it's better for her. I dunno. Lots of other things to think about, alot of other changes... ya, it's absolutely nothing compared to what some people have going on, but to me... it's just one of those days.

Veggies Anyone?

2008-11-10T10:40:00.000-08:00

In case the grocery stores collapse and we all run out of money, have no fear, I can help you. I can't give you much variety, but at least you will be able to eat Collard Greens and Cabbage. I grew 50 feet of them for a school project and am pretty proud if I do say so myself... check it out...

Monkey Butt

2008-11-08T17:34:00.000-08:00

This is our dog. Her name is Samantha... or Sammy, Sam, Samonella, Sookie, Turkey, Dumb & Dumber, Horse, Big Ears, and usually Monkey Butt. Pretty much anything that comes out of your mouth, she will respond to.

I love her so much, despite the circus she has turned our backyard and our lives into. I make it a point to go out and play with her for a while everyday after school, and clean up the yard from her latest escapade. We usually start Saturdays off by really working on the yard and are so pleased by the time we are done. It looks so nice and peaceful... for about 30 minutes. At any given time, the Big Ape will be dragging bamboo across the yard (we have a bamboo infestation), knocking over everything in her path. She will have found some kind of something with stuffing in it and torn it to shreds, leaving bright green fluff all across the grass. The Sausage Link thinks it's fun and helpful to unstack our nicely stacked firewood and put it where she thinks it belongs. Thinking she is still a little tyke, her favorite thing is to walk tight-rope style across the outside window sill that is about 6 inches off the ground. She likes to make sure Jasper (our other little dog for the time being, and the Dumb in Dumb & Dumber) knows who's boss, and stand on top of him and put his neck in her mouth. This causes Jas to make demon sounds as he tries to break free and run away from her. This is always pleasant at 1am, 2am, 3am and again at 4am. Lately, our curious ding-dong has thought it necessary to bark loudly and intensily (at 2:30am) at a can of spray paint that sits high on a shelf. It must bother her tremendously.

Putting all of her insanities aside, she is mama's girl and I can't imagine not having her. No matter how long or short it's been since she's seen me, the moment she gets a glimpse of me, she goes bizzerk. I step outside and almost hit the ground. The galloot is so strong!!! And she's only 9 months old. Sometimes I get annoyed when she gets mud on my pants or when I see her eat her poop (blah!), but when I look at her little face and see her peaking through the window to see what we're doing, I can't help but love her.

I am nerd, hear me roar!

2008-10-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

Can you measure the pore space and bulk density of the soil in your front yard? By your percentages can you determine what soil texture you live on? I am officially a nerd because I can. Yes folks, I can and I did.

And while I was driving out at the farm the other day, I actually said out loud, "ooo, i'm gonna drive all the way up to the gate because my jeep can cover this hardpan." Who says that! The normal person would have noted that they could drive over the sand because it was a hard dirt road... but not me... crazy Mr. Dodson has changed my life.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the soil in my yard has a 46% pore space and is considered Sandy Clay Loam.

On a roll...

2008-09-29T18:08:00.001-07:00

So in my quest to re-invent myself and experience new things (ordinary to some but new and exciting to me!), I have succeeded! Not that I am done and have conquered the world in a matter of a few weeks, but I have taken advantage of opportunities and have found myself checking things off my list! It feels fantastic!!

Let's see...

-I've made a few new friends at school by my own doing. I can't believe how outgoing I've been lately! Not a shy bone in this body!

-Although I don't know sign language, I managed to have a "conversation" with a deaf gal in the school cafeteria.

-I've tried a few new recipes which turned out pretty decent.

-I conquered my fear of the dentist! I finally went and turns out, they think my teeth are healthy and beautiful!

-I went camping on the beach in Halfmoon Bay!!! It was SO MUCH FUN and I can't wait to go again!!!!

And The Award Goes To...

2008-09-25T02:04:00.000-07:00

ME! For being the WORST blogger ever! Yes, I know I haven't blogged since my first appearance, but what can ya do... I'm lame.

Here I sit once again, at 2am, not sleeping. ugh! Why can't you sleep, you ask? Let me tell ya what's in my head at this wonderful morning hour...

* Oh my stomach! I shouldn't have eaten Mexican food at 8:30 at night!
* Standard Deviation using Z score and Chebychev's therum... what are the formulas again?
* I hope the dentist numbs me enough tomorrow before doing my fillings.
* Stupid weeds growing in my 50 foot veggie garden. It was too hot to do all that! Good thing I stopped in time so Karin didn't throw up in my car!!
* Im tired.
* Must-write-thesis- for-essay!
* Hmmm.. how many desks should I include in my classroom layout? Group or U-shaped?
* I wish tomorrow was Friday! Oh wait, no I don't! English test Friday!
* Is it Fall yet?
* Oh, there goes my stomach again!
* My husband is getting braces tomorrow! So cute!
* I miss my mommy.
* I want to go camping again.
* I can't believe I have to get up in 4 hours.
* SJ soils are Quartz, Feldspar, Hornblende and Mica - QFHM, QFHM, QFHM
* ugh, I do not want to wash my hair in the morning!

There you have it... such a nice blend of thoughts. Although it is keeping me awake, I am LOVING school!! When I set out on this journey, I was skeptical if I could really pull it off. I did great in high school but that was because I had to work really hard. I just didn't know if things would click again. Turns out, I'm smart!! ha! As of now, I have 100% in all of my classes; even stats! I start 2 more classes come October and that will put me at 16 units... more than I ever thought I could handle at one time. So far so good!

There is something so great about being back at school. Ya, I wish I would have gotten it done years ago, but I appreciate it so much more now. After high school 11 years ago (yes, 11!) college was such a chore and I hated every minute. I have a completely different perspective now and actually look forward to discussing the symbolism in Steinback's "The Chrysanthemums".

Who knew!

Off and Running!

2008-08-03T03:58:00.000-07:00

It is 3:58am and I am creating a blog. What am I doing!! Am I insane?? No, I just can't sleep. My mind is racing with all sorts of thoughts - memories, new endeavors, things I want to accomplish, things I NEED to accomplish... gotta love insomnia.

A month or so ago I sat down with a dear friend and we got to talking. She shared with me a new-found motivation, if you will, on dreams. Not "I ate one too many bowls of ice cream before bed" kind of dreams, but desires and goals kind of dreams. She had made a list of her dreams and suggested I do the same. My first response to her was, "Oh, I don't have but a handful of dreams so it's not really necessary to list them. I've got 'em all here," pointing to my brain. To my surprise, by the end of the night I had over 100 dreams written down! Where did they come from!! I had no idea some of the things I had down inside!

So that brings me to where I am now... dreaming. Life is full of turns and mine has just taken a turn that I never thought possible. I have worked at my job with dear friends for the past 6 years and just celebrated my last day there. That's right, I am officially UNEMPLOYED!! Scary thought. I am facing a new season in life and am beyond excited. My husband is giving me a tremendous gift. He has made it possible for me to go back to school full-time to obtain my degree in Elementary Education (which was something I realized I wanted while making my dream list!).

With this new phase comes so many feelings of a fresh start, know what I mean? I am getting new school supplies, getting my hair done, I get a week off to re-organize our house so that I can feel ready to go... I recently told a friend of mine that I wanted to re-invent myself. Of course she laughed because that can be a strange thing to say. But really, I do! Especially now with my a new journey upon me. Don't you ever hear people talking about the fun things they do and think, "I want to do that." I want to take my dog to the park, ride my bike through pretty neighborhoods, get together with friends and play a volleyball game (even though I don't know how to play), find new recipes and make delicious meals...those might sound like corny and simple things, but those are things I don't do and want to do! Sometimes I get in the same 'ol rut and forget that there is so much more out there.

So here I go! I am ready for my new journey to begin! I have alot of living to do and I am ready to live it. I am going to dream on!