Stonger!

At the very beginning, my dear little friend, Julia Noble (age 8), was driving with her mom in the car when this song came on the radio. She was singing along and suddenly shouted, "Mom! This is shundi's song!!!" (shundi is our nickname). Later, Julia called to make sure I was recovering well and told me that this was my song because they were praying for me and God was with me. Thank you, Ju, for your childlike faith and encouragment to me. I sing this song everyday :) I love you miniature shundi!

NEED Him

My husband got me a devotional for my birthday and it is so powerful. I read the days' entry every morning and we read it together every night. Many of you have probably heard of it! It's called, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Today's word has been ruminating in my heart so I thought I would share it...

"Expect to encounter adversity in your life., remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world. Stop trying to find a way that circumvents difficulties. The main problem with an easy life is that it masks your need for Me. When you became a Christian, I infused My very Life into you, empowering you to live on a supernatural plane by depending on me.

Anticipate coming face to face with impossibilities; situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you-the best place to encounter Me in My Glory and Power. When you see armies of problems marching toward you, cry out to Me! Allow Me to fight for you. Watch Me working on your behalf, as you rest in the shadow of My Almighty Presence."

I can say that I have had a fairly "easy" life. I have always known God on a personal level and have lived the life he has given me to the best of my ability; trusting him and knowing that He will lead me as I go. I do not take the Lord and his blessings in my life for granted, and this journey that I am on only magnifies my desire to always NEED Him. I had no control over having cancer in my body, I have no control over this chemotherapy, and I have no control over what will come in the days that follow. All I can do is face what is in front of me in the present and then step aside and let God control it for me. And ya know... it is so much easier to let Him worry about all of the why's and how's; it sure saves me a lot of suffering. Instead, I get to rest and be comforted and at peace, knowing that my life will be much better off with Him handling it anyway.

Psalm 91:1-2, "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Cycle 3... oh cycle 3...

Yaaaaaaaaaaaa, cycle 3.....

This cycle of chemo has been another story. I was puttin' along just fine but these past seven days hit me pretty hard. It started with the usual fatigue on Thursday evening and escalated from there. I cannot even begin to describe the exhaustion and weakness that I have felt. I have literally layed on the couch and in bed for seven days straight! I had those moments where I said, "ok, I'm done now! Time to feel good and move on!" But even standing for two minutes to do a few dishes made me feel as though I would fall over. So I gave in and stayed down! I had a few bouts of nausia and actually had to take one of my nausia pills. Ugh.

The hardest part was when some of my hair started falling out :(  I have plenty of hair to spare so you can't even tell, it was just a weird, creepy feeling. Whenever I put it in a pony tail, wash it, or brush it, I end up with a small clump in my hand. sigh. It catches me off gaurd when it happens, but there's not much I can do so I keep going. I know I'm not going to lose all of my hair, so I'm not too worried, but I don't like seeing so many strands...

Overall this has been a pretty stinky week but that's ok. God is still answering our prayers and covering us with his peace and provision. All of this is to bring me the health that I need and I will get there one day at a time.

Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Chemo Cycles 1 & 2

Can I just say that once again, I am amazed at God!!!

Each round of chemotherapy is 2 weeks on, 1 week off. I completed two cylces of chemotherapy with VERY MINIMAL side effects!! I was fatigued for a day here, a day there, but no nausea, sores, or hair loss, etc!  You never know how you're going to feel when you wake up in the morning, and every morning we thank the Lord that I feel "normal"!

On August 3rd, I had blood work done and an appointment with my oncologist. I have to admit, feeling so good while on chemo made me a little nervous. Thoughts like, "Am I taking the right pill? Did we make the right decision? Is it even working??" would take a spin every so often. Those nervous thoughts were quickly squashed when we got the doctors update! He said that all of my blood work is perfect and my counts are exactly where they should be.  He even said that my hemoglobin  is holding at 11.4 and I don't have to take iron for anemia anymore! AND he said that I will most likely end my chemo at the end of October rather than going all the way through December!! He was shocked at how well I was handling this medication and was blown away to know that I didn't even have any sores on my hands (something he was very worried about).

Talk about answers to prayer!!!!!!! So many people have been praying for and I can't express how much it means to me. I know that every day that I feel good is a gift from God, and I know that He is walking with me every step of the way.

Chemotherapy - Day 1

After meeting with my oncologist, Dr. AJ, Frank and I decided that we would take the route of chemotherapy. We chose for me to take it in pill form at home rather than having a portacath for IV treatments. Dr. AJ informed us that the studies on this particular pill show that usually Asian Americans are the only ones that handle this pill well and white Americans cannot usually handle this medication at all. After hearing the different pros and cons of each, we still felt this was the best way for us to go, and decided to give it a try! Kind of a scary choice to make, but we were confident!

My first few cycles of medication arrived by Fed Ex within a few days and I received a call from the pharmacist. Wow. What I was about to do was starting to settle in. The pharmacist, as well as Dr. AJ, gave me a list of side effects that I might have while on this drug:

Fatigue
Nausea
Vomitting
Diarrhea
Constipation
Sores on my hands, feet, and mouth
Sensitive to cold and heat. (He said I won't even be able to open the refrigerator!)
Some hair loss
Joint pain

Now if you know me, I am quite sensitive to medication.  In the past, if there was any possible side effect to something, I would get the worst if it! So of course, when the pharmacist was apologizing to me because he felt so bad that I actually had to go through this, I got a little nervous! So what did we do? We began to PRAY! God had walked us through this far, and He could carry us through this next stage. Just because those illnesses are common side effects, doesn't mean I have to have them! God is greater.

Monday, June 27, 2011....

It was here! Day #1 of Chemo was finally upon us! We were up early and Frank was heading out to work. We prayed together as we do every morning, only this time we prayed for this first day of medication. My mom arrived to stay with me for the day; I didn't really want to be alone :)

Before I took my first dose, my mom gave me a small candle in a glass container with a covering. This candle was a symbol and tangible promise of what we were praying for... that through this chemoptherapy, God would use it to destroy any remaining cancerous cells but would protect my good cells in the process. The candle represents my good cells that are encased by the strong, solid glass, just as the strong hand of God will encase my good cells so that I will remain healthy. I love having parents who walk in such faith and I love having the promises of God to cling to.

We prayed and down the hatch went my first two pills........ anything? nope. ok, uh, what do we do now? It was so funny as mom and I sat there staring at each other, like, "oooookkkkkk, now what do we do?!?" We laughed and found the best plan for the day. We watched four of the eight movies in the Love Comes Softly series!!

1 down, only 189 days to go!!!

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

So there I was, back in the hospital! And of course all of my previous nurses remembered me and stopped in to say hello :) I just couldn't believe I was there again! Really though, again??? Am I expressing it clear enough? "I'm in the hospital again??!!!" I kept saying and thinking this over and over. I was so sad. I had felt great, energized, and healthier than I had ever been, yet there I was, laying on this slab of a mattress.

I had so much medicine flowing into my system to combat the swelling of my inside construction site. Between the IV's, the antibiotics, and the awesome, yet scary pain med, diladed, all I could taste was metal. yuck! But because of all of this, my infection cleared quickly and I was feeling better in no time. Yet they kept me in the hospital, day after day after day.

I HAD TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!

How much fun is that! Well I'll tell you...

I woke up on June 8th and my nurse, Ader, had decorated my room with a sign and streamers that my mom had brought the day before! All of the nurses wished me Happy Birthday and my grandparents and family sent flowers. My husband came and we played Connect Four and colored in my coloring book :) I even got to take a shower and wash my hair!

I had a difficult time in the hospital this time around. I don't know if it was because everyone had gone back to work and I had more alone time, or if it was the simple fact that it was all hitting me of what I was going through. I had to fight so many thoughts and attitudes that wanted to discourage and knock  me down. A few times the tears were flowing, but God was stronger. He was there with me, reminding me that He would never leave me or forsake me. Reminding me that He had plans for me, and it wasn't to spend my days in and out of the hospital. Reminding me that He knows all of my dreams and that this was a step along the way so that I can enjoy those dreams. God was there.

I was so happy to leave the hospital after another week, and I bid the nurses farewell! They all said I was their best patient but didn't want to see me again :) I agreed! I was on my way home, stocked with meds for another week, and ready to continue the next step of this cancer journey............

Chemotherapy.

Feeling great!!! ....oh wait, not so fast...

(This is old news, but once again, I slacked off in blogging so I'm still catching up on my memories...)

I came home from the hospital, FINALLY, and was so happy to be home in my new house.  For those of you who don't know, during this whole ordeal, Frank and I bought a house! We had lived here for one month when it all came down... pretty good timing, God :)  Don't you just love how He knows what we need before we even ask him :)

The days following my hospital stay were actually pleasant. Despite some soreness and my 14 inch stapled incision, I was feeling great! Honestly, I hadn't felt so healthy in years!! I layed around the house, enjoyed visitors throughout each day, and took many wonderful naps... aaahhhh... I could get used to this feeling. A few weeks had gone by and I checked in with my surgeon. I was glad when he removed half my staples and the other half a few weeks later. Dr. Sorour gave me the okay and I was clear to jump back into life! I had one week before I started chemotherapy, so I was esctatic to have a "normal life" for a few days.

But then Friday came... I woke up Friday morning, June 3rd, almost one month since surgery, and I wasn't feelin' so hot. I was so tired and a little sick to my stomach. I just didn't feel right. I got up early to see my husband off to work and layed on the couch. As the morning went on I developed pain in my right side. Around 8am it got worse so I called my surgeon to see if there should be any cause for concern. I was thankful to talk to him directly! He said if it didn't improve in a few hours I should go to the ER. Great. That's what I want to hear. I went to bed and slept off and on all afternoon. When my husband got home at 5pm, I was ready to head to the hospital. I can't even explain the pain I was in...
We arrived at Lodi Memorial to find quite a wait time; not too bad compared to Stockton, but bad when I felt the way I did. As we were sitting there my pain increased and I started losing conciousness. I was swaying back and forth and for some reason my throat began to close. My husband got the nurse and they got me to a bed in a matter of seconds.

After a CT scan, numerous viles of blood, and a few doses of Diladed (whoa!) I was being admitted for an infection. Ugh. Wait! I was supposed to have a week of fun before starting chemo!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr........